Monday, October 04, 2004

Karl Rove as Friend to Large Mammals

Karl Rove, Pet Owner


It’s long been known by many vets that humans look just like their pets.


Consider Rove, the button man who caps chaps for Republicans.
Rove plods along unswervingly and strikes low blows unnervingly. This M.O. gives us several clues on just what kind of pet he’d choose.

If Rove possessed a snake, perhaps he’d call his pet snake Jake.
And feed him little mice—as many mice as would suffice
To slake the snake; then they’d repair to Karl’s cozy TV lair

And watch the president’s debate—a moderator whom they hate—
There they’d sit a spell together, cursing Lehrer to hell forever.

Sometimes when Karl in his fervor gesticulates too feverishly
Jake slithers off and molts alone, sometimes very peevishly.

But let’s not be too hard on snakes, who must rely on Nature’s breaks.
Instead of well-developed senses Karl has Fox News; and hence is

Well-informed on all the schemes of which his feeble rival dreams.
It could be said that Rove enjoys a lot of help in all his ploys.

Indeed as others much more trenchant have observed,
Rove has a penchant for an inexorable pace. He plods along with pallid face
And never rushes in the chase. So stolid in demeanor—snake-like, but much more meaner.

While his opponents meet their limit with a satisfying thud,
Rove simply chews his cud with care and chooses mud to sling with flair
Perhaps this staid serenity derivates from bovininity.

More merciless than Ming, with whispers gauged to scar and cling
Rove takes his cues and makes his calls amid the moos of cattle stalls.