Saturday, March 26, 2005

Jeb Bush

Today on cable news I saw
America in Oughty-eight,
As Jeb Bush opened up his maw
And gabbled on about the fate
Of godless heathens of the sort
To let a pregnancy abort

As anger screwed his piggish mug
I felt a little thrill of fear
Imagining a lower ebb
Than ever George had brought us near
An ebb attainable by Jeb
A chubby theocratic thug.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Remembering the Surgery with which Delay committed Eye-fat purgery

in which bygone verse is lifted up from archives to shed a light on current events:

As scandal builds about Delay
His mug is often on the screen
you may therefore see on your tube
the man for whom they thunk up "boob"

yet as you glance you might perceive
how youngish, facially, Tom looks...
those stretched-tight plastic cheeks deceive!
Tom once had eye bags to his sleave.

Some shock was felt when Tom excised
the excess flab around his eyes. In truth the flab
was drab and Tom
wished for a brow with more aplomb.

A surgery of vanity from watching too much Hannity?
The one on Fox whose curly locks and steady gaze leave Tom a-daze
And in the night all pitter-patter, lumpy throat,
a-twitter with the joyous hope
That soon his peepers—sort of fishy—might begin to look more dishy
As for so long Tom’s been wishy

The trick Delay was soon to find
Was how to pay for eye-fat suction
For advice he rang up Sean—
Himself just done with butt reduction

Though muffled by the bandages
The voice of Hannity rang clear
And Tom Delay rejoiced to hear
The comfort of his badinages

“Of course now Tom, said Hannity
You realize these nips and tucks
These belly pinches, loose neck plucks
And flabby bottom vaccum sucks
Are not just free—they cost some bucks”

Says Tom, I think I get your thrust. And mused awhile, proud brow curled
Great Man in puckish thought enfurled.
I’ll tell you though it ain’t quite just…a gummint man is what I am
…and holder of the public trust.
For such a man as me this op should surely be for free!
A vital sight-impediment reduction – That’s my sentiment.
A simple tax deduction justified by liposuction!

Soon after in his post-op bed
Did Tom Delay and his new head
Recover from the surgeon’s knife

The TV on—Tom welled with pride
When seeing how in Iraq’s strife
our troops had died. He sighed, and whispered to the floor
Its them boys who I’m fighting for -- for them each day I go to war.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Coulter and Frist fight Death

The GOP is full of those
Who view themselves as evil’s foes
Protecting life from sneak attack
Except when life is in Iraq

Two champions of God’s design
Now grapple hand to hand with Death
They say as long as there is breath
That Death must wait and bide his time

The irony has never come cheaper
For both have walked beside the Reaper

Bill Frist, Senator from Earth
Coulter, Ann of deathless mirth

One purloins the odd cadaver
The other kills with her palaver

Ann is deft from dodging pies
Frist is quick with well-placed lies

Fristy claims the judge must wait
Before deciding Schiavo’s fate
And diagnoses, from afar
Schiavo’s vegetative state

Coulter finds the blame to lie
With Schiavo’s husband’s alibi
She thinks he wants the money
And to live in someplace sunny

Hopefully soon Ann and Bill
Will hold the keys to all our fates
The GOP will then control
Who gets to see the pearly gates.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Delay Rides Back (on Schiavo)

Grasping desperately for straws,
Tom Delay proposes laws
Intended to divert
Attention from his plight.

The plight that faces Tom is dire;
Grow the calls of ‘liar.’
To beat back this salvo
Tom employs Schiavo.

Schiavo hangs on by a thread
And might today be dead
Delay hurries, eager
Her case to beleaguer

I disapprove of death! States Tom
His principles are steel
His moribund morals
Restored to their laurels.

Schiavo meanwhile, catatonic
unrestorable now.
her moribundity
untouched by punditry.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Ode to Bill Frist, Whose Major Medical Strides involved Cats

To ad-vance human medicine, a doctor surely must
At times conduct experiments that breach the public trust
Morals must be set aside for scientific breakthroughs!
For cutting-edge discoveries, the rule is snooze and lose

Its certain, for example, Frankenstein would not have risen
If subject to the niceties of civilized derision
Without cadavers looted from their tombs and cut apart
We would not know a fourth of what we do about the heart!

Herophilus of Chalcedon was first to try dissection;
The Greek Physician Galen modeled blood flow to perfection
Andreas Vesalius made discoveries sublime
Until the Inquisition lopped his head off for the crime.

Today of course it’s clear to all that scientific learning
Is worth the sort of setbacks that arise from public burning
The Salem witches as you know were tortured cru-elly
Black Magic is by docs today explained as ESP.

With this in mind we must excuse the scientific hero
Who only seeks to understand the body, head to toe
The benefits of science far outweigh the silly laws
Passed by foes of learning who attack a lofty cause.

Thank goodness there’s a congressman today who empathizes
And all the goals of medicine and science recognizes!
This champion of doctor’s rights, Bill Frist, is more forgiving
Of those who simply have to cut folks up to make a living.

He’s challenged dreary norms with scientific coup de tats!
For example, as a youth Bill Frist dissected cats
He would not listen to the foes of medical advances!
He knew that great discoveries required taking chances

Frist soon became the greatest research doctor of the day
By stealing kitties from the neighborhood SPCA
Its well that there are those who have the guts to do their part
Who can say how much from cats Bill learned about the heart?

"I lost my supply of cats. I only had six weeks to complete my project before I resumed my clinical rotations. Desperate, obsessed with my work, I visited the various animal shelters in the Boston suburbs, collecting cats .... "

January 9, 2003|9:23 AM The Front Page 2003 THE NEW YORK OBSERVER, L.P.
Daschle, Beware: Young Dr. Frist Sliced Up Cats by Ron Rosenbaum

Sunday, March 13, 2005

unveiled: tom delay, jailed

the people's man, rep tom delay
has come afoul of a mess
that threatens all the careful plans
with which tom built his cozy nest

the troubles tom dismisses
have resisted all his tactics
clinging like the spot of Death
that spot that plagued Lady MacBeth

the niceties that Tom eschewed
when wielding his Hammer
will not now be pooh-poohed
and may land him in the slammer

recall how Tom avoided grace
when dealing with democrats
choosing instead to swing the mace
of republican arrogance

the moral heights from which he preached
were built of course on fraud and bribes
but tom's whale has at last been beached
by bigotry and diatribes

Gonzalez' ode to torture

Geneva is an antique thing,
and cannot have a bearing
on the President's desire
to set Iraqi prisoners on fire

Aflame, I find the prisoner
quite burns to tell us of his crimes

Torture?! I abhor the word!
But let me note that terroristes
by nature absolve us of minor departures
From comportmente Humaniste!

If confirmed I swear to stop ---
When organ-failure's imminent.

perhaps applied in a limited way
to criminals domestically
as well as agents provacateur, and liberals more generally
we'll find that certain cajoling treatments
produce a well-mannered and conservative

Christian society