HighHatting & Gladhanding

A Lott of Bushit about Katrina, Race, and the War on Poverty

2005-10-17T14:14:00.000-04:00

For a week or so after Katrina
(Apart from a few racist hacks)
The Bushies said "we'll be less meaner"
And promised to help re-house Blacks.

The Preznit speeched with compassion
As he blasted the White-Black divide
And claimed poverty as his new mission.
Here’s a shock: it would seem that he lied.

The months that have passed since Bush spoke
Were enough to begin Lott’s new mansion
All the rest that Bush said was a joke,
And compassion is now out of fashion.

Judith Miller sends the Gray Lady down

2005-10-16T21:33:00.000-04:00

The NY Times, donning their laurels,
Have rebuffed every critical claim
Concerning the lapsing of morals
In their reports on Valerie Plame
(Or the WMD lies, that made Iraq fair game.)

Yet we now know a startling fact.
Keller’s first editorial act,
When he picked up the reins of the rotting Gray Lady
Was to yank Judith out of Iraq.

However, with flair and a flip of her hair
--Reminiscent of newspaperman Blair,
Judy Miller wrote tale after tale
In her chase for the WMD Grail.

Judy’s buddy Bill Safire, a long-time liar
--Like so many Republicans--
Attacked every critic of Judy
For in his view, “despicable sins”

And what strength, to suffer in jail!
For the freedoms we all hold so dear
--That is, until jail, for Judy, grew stale
And her heart pitter-patted with fear.

Then she gave up old Scooter so quick!
Scooter’s losses now outweigh his wins
As Judith, with casual wrist-flick
Flushed his flowery prose on aspens.

Well, the Times is in shit to its shins
--All the holier-than-thou editorials
And no matter now how hard he spins
Keller’s due for some scathing excorials.

preznit bush finds some happy soldiers

2005-10-13T21:45:00.000-04:00

when Preznit Bush s'on teevee
I get to feelin sleepee
brainz oozin out, sucked
into the vacuum duck
of mezmerizin doublespeak
of robot talk and freepy beep

capacity to think
dies out in a wink
as troops feed packaged queries
to preznit like eazee cheez

"its a chat, just back and forth"
squeaks Scott MacClellan, puffy dwarf
in charge of vindication
of the staged regurgitation

he gets mad when Preznit's happy
day is queried roughly
"you want the terrorists to win!",
Scott sticks a chin out, toughly

Mission Accomplished: All Fucked Up. Bush puts Rove in Charge of Rebuilding the Gulf

2005-09-16T16:35:00.000-04:00

The Clarion-Ledger said Friday it obtained an internal Justice Department e-mail sent out this week to U.S. attorneys that asks: "Has your district defended any cases on behalf of the (U.S.) Army Corps of Engineers against claims brought by environmental groups seeking to block or otherwise impede the Corps work on the levees protecting New Orleans? If so, please describe the case and the outcome of the litigation."

THE POETRY OF GEORGE BUSH, AKA AN INTERNAL MONOLOGUE ON HOW I STOPPED WORRYING AND LEARNED TO LOVE A GOOD HURRICANE

I came down to New Orleans,
looked around and noted,
place ain't worth a hill of beans.
doubt these black folk would've voted
for me anyhow.

but damn! my record sucks so bad
hell, name it, cause I've fucked it up
the Iraq war, Osama free,
thank god there's no real scrutiny.
I mean, give me a job and I'll muck it up
been doin' it since i was a lad
while other boys had to suck it up
and go and fight the Viet Cong
My Dad said Son you stay right here
the Nat'l Guard's where you belong.

Anyhoo, i guess there's not much more
around for me to screw
up,
except for the aftermath.
I tell you what, the place took a bath.
don't even think duct tape'll help
We must rebuild, so all youse people
go to church and hug a steeple
pray the most you ever done
cause now the Bush Gulf War's begun.

It was the real war all along.
That Iraq crap was just a song
the aim was get the Red States free
of people black and red and greens
Them Greenies piss me off so bad
I'm puttin Rove in charge
of rebuilding New Orleans.

Mission accomplished:
tell the army use their total resources
to figure out how to put the blame on
environmentalist whoresons
GIT HALLY-BURTON ON THE CASE!
don't give a damn about houses for the poor
leave em in Texas and Utah
let Delay Gerrymander them right out the door
of the electoral process, HooWah!

katrina etc

2005-09-15T19:38:00.000-04:00

The big Debacle of oughty-five
Was not so much a hurricane
As the revelation of social schisms
Which, far from being on the wane
In America grow and thrive
Aided by any number of –isms

Conservatism’s in first place.
It’s got nothing to do with flags
Despite the way they don them,
Or family values, so to speak;
But has a bunch to do with race.
Or Trent Lott’s porch, in any case.

to roost

2005-09-14T22:29:00.000-04:00

George bush’s chickens are home
Blown in on the winds of Katrina
Look close; he’s got the wild eye
Mission accomplished, by and by

Why does the GOP uck?

2005-09-12T23:35:00.000-04:00

Why do conservatives suck?
It’s a thorny issue to ponder,
-- but allow your thoughts to wander.

Begin with massive SUV’s,
Bearing ribbons for soldiers overseas
--mostly from other families.

think of all the 9-11 muck they've raked
and all the schemes of war, half-baked.

contemplate the religious nuts
who, when they're not railing on peaceable gays
are calling for assassinations
adrift in their Oxycontin haze

Or consider Halliburton’s luck
At making another bloodstained buck.
What do they do? stick their straw in the ground
and with lips wrapped tight they suck, suck, suck.

If that doesn’t work there’s Rush,
Whose blurted views on New Orleans,
spewing out in a druggish gush,
paraphrase John Rocker on Queens.

Or Barbara Bush, who was struck
By the sight of all the evacuees, unwed mothers and pregnant teens
Who at Texas’ bosom will suck
--and noted their wonderful luck.

Oh happy day for such as they!
What, all they lost was a hovel.
no more need to scrabble
for food in the rubble.

Operation Hide the Bodies

2005-09-09T12:39:00.000-04:00

Bush has arrived just in time
For a cover-up mission sublime
The goal of his administration,
Hiding corpses from press observation

The army has circled New Orleans
To keep photo-ops under wraps
Except to show crews at the levees,
Or Bush on the ranch in his chaps.

Meanwhile Cheney, just back from vacation
Is now on the scene to make certain
That New Orleans’ rehabilitation
Is contracted to Halliburton.

Of course there’s a role for Fox News;
Their job: shift the blame to the locals
Which Brit Hume is happy to do
When not stealing old ladies’ bifocals.

How do we know something’s wrong?
There’s one clue that should sound like a gong;
When asked if he’s troubled at night
Bush says “Why? What didn’t go right?”

republicans rebut charges of racism in Katrina response

2005-09-09T12:26:00.000-04:00

Karen Hughes: "It's offensive to me to suggest that somehow, as I've seen some headlines and some reports do, that people, that Americans weren't helped because they are poor or because of their race. That is anti-American. That is not what our country is about… It is unfortunate that this natural disaster disproportionately affected people of one race and one income level." (NYT)

First Lady: "I think all of those remarks are disgusting, to be perfectly frank, because of course President Bush cares about everyone in our country." (Yahoo news)

Rep. Richard Baker (R-LA) of Baton Rouge, (Wall Street Journal): "We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did."

Rick Santorum: (R–PA)“…you have people who don't heed those warnings and then put people at risk as a result of not heeding those warnings. There may be a need to look at tougher penalties on those who decide to ride it out and understand that there are consequences to not leaving.” (TV somewhere)

Associated Press: 20% of Victims Had No Cars to Evacuate. “Two in 10 households in the disaster area had no car, compared with 1 in 10 in nationwide.” FromTheRoots

Jon Kyl (R-AZ): “the question is if people know year after year after year a natural disaster occurs in a particular place and people continue to build there and want to live there, should they bear the responsibility of buying insurance or should everyone else bear the responsibility?” (AZ Republic 9-4-05 - also found on FromtheRoots)

Mark Williams: .."they didn't have the necessary brains and common sense to get out of the way of a Cat 5 Hurricane and then when it hit them- stood on the side of the convention Center expiring while reporters were coming and going.." from Crooks and liars

And of course, Rush Limbaugh chimes in with a spot of racist wordplay...

Pew Research Center:
Seven-in-ten blacks (71%) say the disaster shows that racial inequality remains a major problem in the country; a majority of whites (56%) say this was not a particularly important lesson…as many as 70% of African Americans say they have felt angry, compared with 46% of whites… Blacks are twice as likely as whites to know people directly affected by the hurricane and are generally much more critical of the government’s response to the crisis…More than eight-in-ten blacks (85%) say Bush could have done more to get relief efforts going quickly, compared with 63% of whites.

…Oh, science... why do you tempt me with your logic…

Mr. Reiss, some rich guy in New Orleans: "Those who want to see this city rebuilt want to see it done in a completely different way: demographically, geographically and politically. I'm not just speaking for myself here. The way we've been living is not going to happen again, or we're out."(WSJ)

Don’t let the levee hit you in the ass on the way out, Mr. Reiss…

FEMA, you uck.

2005-09-08T22:57:00.000-04:00

FEMA was issuing debit cards to evacuees, and has decided to stop, and instead give the remaining evacuees checks, if they provide an address.
(from Atrios)

O FEMA, perhaps it's now best,
if instead of just paining them more
you would let the evacuees rest
and just show yourselves out of the door

You used to be skillful and brave
until Bush fired all of your leaders
and replaced them with knave after knave
such as recently fired horse breeders

under Bush, sure, your job was a breeze
you just wrote checks to Dick's Halliburton
nothing to it, you thought, eating cheese
as Katrina was drawing the curtain

Now the dead drift down Union Street
and FEMA's concern is photographers
afraid that the sight of deceased
will influence George Bush's biographers.

Kyra Phillips' two cents on who's gotten hurt by Katrina

2005-09-08T20:38:00.000-04:00

From Americablog:

Phillips: "I think it's unfair that FEMA is singled out. There are so many people responsible for what has happened in the state of Louisiana."

Kyra i dedicate this poem to you...

dear Kyra your interviews lack
any human compassion or feeling
were the evacuees White and not Black
your heart would begin uncongealing

But instead you've a twig up your ass
and attack when a question is raised
concerning the truthful besmirch
that George Bush's first thought was of Trent Lott's new porch

SOme things Poetry Can't handle

2005-09-08T17:35:00.000-04:00

How the town of Gretna helps with the Hurricane evacuees, from Billmon.org, initially from this guy

"As we approached the bridge, armed Gretna sheriffs formed a line across the foot of the bridge. Before we were close enough to speak, they began firing their weapons over our heads. This sent the crowd fleeing in various directions. As the crowd scattered and dissipated, a few of us inched forward and managed to engage some of the sheriffs in conversation....

...We questioned why we couldn't cross the bridge anyway... They responded that the West Bank was not going to become New Orleans and there would be no Superdomes in their City. These were code words for if you are poor and black, you are not crossing the Mississippi River and you were not getting out of New Orleans."

In an interview with UPI, Gretna Police Chief Arthur Lawson confirmed that his department shut down the bridge to pedestrians: "If we had opened the bridge, our city would have looked like New Orleans does now: looted, burned and pillaged."

the lovable antics of Bush, Chertoff, and Brown

2005-09-06T18:01:00.000-04:00

As Barbara Bush noted without hesitation,
The evacuee mood’s surely one of elation,
Given their government-funded vacation,
Quadrupling Texas’ Black population.

For Chertoff the whole situation was droll:
New Orleans, he noted, is under control.
Let’s give our thanks where they’re due
To Bushes and Roveses and Cheneyeses too.

The Department of Defense was magnificent
The levees received nothing more than a dent
Your average evacuee’s wearing a smile
With just minimal risk from the odd crocodile.

Meanwhile Brown plays it close to the vest,
And denies all reports of unrest -
If by unrest we mean there’s a riot.
That’s just silly—it’s wonderfully quiet!
The only noise now is the surf
Splashing over the Superdome turf.

What a wonderful thing is a government
That prizes the woefully incompetent.
Pay no heed to the gathering mob,
Brownie, you’re doing a heckuva job!

Katrina and Rove conspire to aid the Bush Image

2005-09-05T10:55:00.000-04:00

Pudgy Rove twirls delicately on pink toes,
Orchestrating politicos
As graceful as a ballerina
Bush’s savior from Katrina

Not to aid the broken poor
That’s a long-shut, bolted door
Rove has other fish to fry
As New Orleans starts to die

With a gesture and a wave
Rove marshals up the brave,
The troops who never shy
From a governmental lie:

Chertoff skeletal and cold,
Cheney graying, growing old
Condi beaming as in twos
She dons three thousand dollar shoes

Brown the FEMA man—who’s he?
Just another Bush pally
Fired from his previous work
As a small-town lawyer clerk,
Now in charge of swift reaction
To any hurricane distraction

George W. Bush—a moral man
Observes destruction from above
Reluctant now to lose the tan
Acquired in the dusty glow
of Crawford Ranch, across the road
From son-less Cindy’s new abode

Now by the broken levee – George!
Equipment bustles, men with shovels,
Dozers, trucks and such devices
Ready now to save the hovels,
Just in time to halt the crisis.

Photo men point click and shoot,
George, by the dozer—that’s a beaut!

An hour later, Bush is gone
The levee repair—is it done?
Why, no—the men and trucks
Have left the levee to the ducks.
A temporary backdrop to a presidential photo-op.

"But perhaps the greatest disappointment stands at the breached 17th Street levee. Touring this critical site yesterday with the President, I saw what I believed to be a real and significant effort to get a handle on a major cause of this catastrophe. Flying over this critical spot again this morning, less than 24 hours later, it became apparent that yesterday we witnessed a hastily prepared stage set for a Presidential photo opportunity; and the desperately needed resources we saw were this morning reduced to a single, lonely piece of equipment. The good and decent people of southeast Louisiana and the Gulf Coast – black and white, rich and poor, young and old – deserve far better from their national government."

- Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA), remonstrating President Bush on Saturday for the use of a tragedy for a "presidential photo opportunity."

Trent Lott, planetary origin unknown, remarks on the job the government is doing in response to Katrina

2005-09-03T14:36:00.001-04:00

September 3, 2005 - Senator Trent Lott: "I AM pleased with the federal government's response...this is not a time for complaining...I am really shocked at the comments that are coming.”

Trent Lott, what place do you call home?
are the prairies vast and red,
do three-legged creatures roam?
Does your alien anatomy explain
the useless mush you call a brain?

When you lie down in bed at the end of the day
does your wife ever turn to you and say,
honey, its time we grew some new Lotts
tomorrow let's purchase the planting pots?

Do you even know, now, when you utter a lie?
do your alien features gow crafty and sly?
Or are they like Play-Do - grayish and still
until you contort them however you will -
a smile or grimace, whatever will fly,
when you're thinking of how best to package your lie?

Republican Musings on Katrina

2005-09-02T20:29:00.000-04:00

Says O'Reilly, the truth is plain to see,
all the looting in New Orleans
was a plan by the Black community,
when they saw the opportunity.

Says FEMA man Brown, there's no unrest
if by unrest you mean hollering
and a ruined city squaloring,
no indeed! Though you'll find it best
if when you go out, you've a teflon vest.

Says the chimp-in-chief,
what we need is relief,
for the citizens of this red-state town,
especially Trent Lott, who's white-washed
porch has been battered down.

Says Denny Hastert, plump as a sow,
"it's only the Blacks who need this town,
instead of rebuilding, what we should do,
is bulldoze the whole infested zoo."

Ode to Bill Frist - the Last Poem (initially posted at an earlier date)

2005-08-09T20:01:00.000-04:00

To ad-vance human medicine, a doctor surely must
At times conduct experiments that breach the public trust
Morals must be set aside for scientific breakthroughs!
For cutting-edge discoveries, the rule is snooze and lose

Its certain, for example, Frankenstein would not have risen
If subject to the niceties of civilized derision
Without cadavers looted from their tombs and cut apart
We would not know a fourth of what we do about the heart!

Herophilus of Chalcedon was first to try dissection;
The Greek Physician Galen modeled blood flow to perfection
Andreas Vesalius made discoveries sublime
Until the Inquisition lopped his head off for the crime.

Today of course it’s clear to all that scientific learning
Is worth the sort of setbacks that arise from public burning
The Salem witches as you know were tortured cru-elly
Black Magic is by docs today explained as ESP.

With this in mind we must excuse the scientific hero
Who only seeks to understand the body, head to toe
The benefits of science far outweigh the silly laws
Passed by foes of learning who attack a lofty cause.

Thank goodness there’s a congressman today who empathizes
And all the goals of medicine and science recognizes!
This champion of doctor’s rights, Bill Frist, is more forgiving
Of those who simply have to cut folks up to make a living.

He’s challenged dreary norms with scientific coup de tats!
For example, as a youth Bill Frist dissected cats
He would not listen to the foes of medical advances!
He knew that great discoveries required taking chances

Frist soon became the greatest research doctor of the day
By stealing kitties from the neighborhood SPCA
Its well that there are those who have the guts to do their part
Who can say how much from cats Bill learned about the heart?

"I lost my supply of cats. I only had six weeks to complete my project before I resumed my clinical rotations. Desperate, obsessed with my work, I visited the various animal shelters in the Boston suburbs, collecting cats .... "

January 9, 2003|9:23 AM The Front Page 2003 THE NEW YORK OBSERVER, L.P.
Daschle, Beware: Young Dr. Frist Sliced Up Cats by Ron Rosenbaum

bill frist on lynching: no comment

2005-06-15T11:20:00.000-04:00

from article by scott shepard in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution 06/15/05:

"WASHINGTON — Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Tenn.) refused repeated requests for a roll call vote that would have put senators on the record on a resolution apologizing for past failures to pass anti-lynching laws, officials involved in the negotiations said Tuesday."

bill frist, who terrorized cats previously
and thus was honorare to doves and finches
has erred again, perhaps this time more grievously
in jettisoning votes to condemn lynches

it might be that frist has never felt
that lynching was an issue to be dealt
with, since after all his grampy lost the war
way back when in 1864

or maybe he feels such a vote could ruin
a reputation cast in...let's say tin
among the folks who spend their unemployment
drinking Jack and casting back
to old-time ways and their enjoyment

good old dick cheney

2005-06-09T22:08:00.000-04:00

Recall the old Dick Cheney?
the republican you liked to think
was cool and calm and seasoned,
his deliberations reasoned,
before the war-hawks spiked his drink?

or no; perhaps he always chafed
when Poppy held the reins;
all the tales of Poppy's raids
and all the enemies he strafed

whereas dick eschewed to fight
like Poppy's son dick thought it right
to safely sit far from the shit,
avoiding premature obit

today the irony is thick!
for far from meek is uncle Dick
co-author of the iraq curse,
dick cheney drives the goddam hearse

thankfully, Dick's christian faith
excuses dick's unlawful war,
not to mention abu ghraib.
so says limbaugh and his ilk,
in AM voices smooth as silk.

Ah, Dick - his measured tones now fill one's head
with images of bloody dead.

GOP GitMo Koran Plan

2005-05-27T11:15:00.000-04:00

McClellan and DiRita stomped a righteous path upon
The Newsweek piece revealing desecrations of Korans
Of course it now emerges that they lied without a blush!
In truth they knew the nature of the GitMo Koran flush.

Now Scottie and The Lawrence are unlike to admit error;
Because demonizing liberals is their strategy on terror

Bin Laden was a dust mote for the GOP get-out-the-vote
Their real goal: secure the land for God and Halliburton

(When God is on your side, as Tom Delay’s long thunk it,
Its perfectly okay to let the state pay for your junket)

It helps to have a state-run propaganda corporation!
FOX news serves this role well for the Bush administration
Amplifying every lie with fatheads Hannity and Hume,
Filling hapless noggins with the Bill O’Reilly spume;
A supporting cast of lesser creeps insures the message really seeps.

Tom Ridge and the Multi-Color Terror Coat

2005-05-11T13:22:00.000-04:00

Tom Ridge’s colored Fright Alerts,
which used to come in fits and spurts
are, after regular abuse,
of not much more than little use.

Now Tom reflects regretfully
upon the accusations
that he, as pulpit bully
often terrorized the nation
with invented allegations.

Yes, those ORANGE elevations
were of spurious design;
certain color designations
may in fact have crossed a line.

And cries Tom, they weren't mine,
but the darn administration’s!

terror risk emergencies
with less-than-honest goals!
driven by the urgencies
of Bush’s flagging polls?

“There were times” sighs Tom
-silver medal on his chest-
“they'd say, act like there’s a bomb,
and then the press'll do the rest."

www.usatoday.com/news/ridge alerts

Pat Robertson, frumious American Mullah

2005-05-02T22:41:00.000-04:00

Pat Robertson’s hotline to God
Collapsed beneath the weight
Of messages directing Him
To expedite the fate
Of eastern sorts who hold Shabbats
And other kooks with swarthy looks
And world views quite unlike Pat’s.

You see, although Pat’s quite devout
He finds his patience has run out.
For years he’s stood and flapped his lips
Concerning the Apocalypse.
Last month he thought the time had come!
But it was just a lame eclipse.

Christ’s sake! For how long must Pat wait
To see the fruits of all the hate
Drummed up by him to escalate
A holy war to cleanse the earth
Of those whose souls have lesser worth.

(Pat’s known for holding grudges
And his thoughts are dark, on judges)
Fear not though! Pat loves all of you
So long as you are not a Jew,
Or think that God, for all of that
Perhaps could stand a Democrat

new american mullah

2005-04-30T17:45:00.000-04:00

A fat white mullah spoke to me
From jesusland on NBC
And seemed to indicate
That God was full of rage and hate

Rick Santorum’s latest thoughts
On gays and all their heinous plots
Reveal the effects
Of growing up in fear of sex

Concerning Bill Frist’s bluster
On the harmless filibuster:
Who wants extended chats
With a man who murdered cats?

Dobson’s foaming rants
Evoke the Taliban’s old chants
The new American mullah
Wears pressed suit and pants.

the holy retribution of Tom Delay

2005-04-20T10:35:00.000-04:00

One night while in his boudoir scheming
Tom Delay lay dreaming, dreaming
Of a day of wondrous burning
When the world would reel, learning
How perilous, a Delay spurning

Imagining that holy fire,
Trembled Tom with crude desire
Oh the glorious sacred blaze!
Oh the Whoosh as lit the pyre!
Beneath the gathered angels’ gaze,
Dark would gape a dreadful gyre.

High would scream and plead the fools
Who thought to risk the Hammer’s ire.
One by one into the fire;
Cast by angels bright and cold
From there into the yawning gyre,
(Even Gingrich, small and bold)

Shivered Tom in ecstasy;
Most awfulest of reckonings!
Surely Shays would try to flee;
From the angels’ beckonings
Yet Shays like all the rest would roast
Marshmallows for Tom’s angelic host
Sacre bleu! A Righteous toast.

Senator Johnny Cornyn, Major-league scumball

2005-04-04T22:04:00.000-04:00

Congress as we’re taught in school
Concerns itself with Law and Rule
Adjusting legislation to protectify the Nation

Yet Law this week has taken quite a blow
As those who watch CSPAN are sure to know,
Johnny Cornyn, Senator from Texas
Believes that killing Judges, although reckless,

Could simply be a consequence
Of Democratic insolence
That is, you see, they bring it on themselves
By angering the righteous on the Right

Insisting that a rule should still hold sway
Even when it annoys Tom Delay

Now Mr. Cornyn fumes and sues for libel
While muttering in fury to his bible:

“The quickest way to do the job
Is rile up an angry mob;
Perhaps we can use Cable News
To smear the Pinkos, Gays, and Jews!”

“If we get Anny Coulter, say, or Dobson,
to claim our acts are sanctified by God’s Son
And killin’ liberal judges ain’t a crime
And that the murderers should not do time!”

The terrorists we seek are in Iraq
While Cornyn stabs our country in the back.

Jeb Bush

2005-03-26T22:46:00.000-05:00

Today on cable news I saw
America in Oughty-eight,
As Jeb Bush opened up his maw
And gabbled on about the fate
Of godless heathens of the sort
To let a pregnancy abort

As anger screwed his piggish mug
I felt a little thrill of fear
Imagining a lower ebb
Than ever George had brought us near
An ebb attainable by Jeb
A chubby theocratic thug.

Remembering the Surgery with which Delay committed Eye-fat purgery

2005-03-23T10:33:00.000-05:00

in which bygone verse is lifted up from archives to shed a light on current events:

As scandal builds about Delay
His mug is often on the screen
you may therefore see on your tube
the man for whom they thunk up "boob"

yet as you glance you might perceive
how youngish, facially, Tom looks...
those stretched-tight plastic cheeks deceive!
Tom once had eye bags to his sleave.

Some shock was felt when Tom excised
the excess flab around his eyes. In truth the flab
was drab and Tom
wished for a brow with more aplomb.

A surgery of vanity from watching too much Hannity?
The one on Fox whose curly locks and steady gaze leave Tom a-daze
And in the night all pitter-patter, lumpy throat,
a-twitter with the joyous hope
That soon his peepers—sort of fishy—might begin to look more dishy
As for so long Tom’s been wishy

The trick Delay was soon to find
Was how to pay for eye-fat suction
For advice he rang up Sean—
Himself just done with butt reduction

Though muffled by the bandages
The voice of Hannity rang clear
And Tom Delay rejoiced to hear
The comfort of his badinages

“Of course now Tom, said Hannity
You realize these nips and tucks
These belly pinches, loose neck plucks
And flabby bottom vaccum sucks
Are not just free—they cost some bucks”

Says Tom, I think I get your thrust. And mused awhile, proud brow curled
Great Man in puckish thought enfurled.
I’ll tell you though it ain’t quite just…a gummint man is what I am
…and holder of the public trust.
For such a man as me this op should surely be for free!
A vital sight-impediment reduction – That’s my sentiment.
A simple tax deduction justified by liposuction!

Soon after in his post-op bed
Did Tom Delay and his new head
Recover from the surgeon’s knife

The TV on—Tom welled with pride
When seeing how in Iraq’s strife
our troops had died. He sighed, and whispered to the floor
Its them boys who I’m fighting for -- for them each day I go to war.

Coulter and Frist fight Death

2005-03-22T15:25:00.000-05:00

The GOP is full of those
Who view themselves as evil’s foes
Protecting life from sneak attack
Except when life is in Iraq

Two champions of God’s design
Now grapple hand to hand with Death
They say as long as there is breath
That Death must wait and bide his time

The irony has never come cheaper
For both have walked beside the Reaper

Bill Frist, Senator from Earth
Coulter, Ann of deathless mirth

One purloins the odd cadaver
The other kills with her palaver

Ann is deft from dodging pies
Frist is quick with well-placed lies

Fristy claims the judge must wait
Before deciding Schiavo’s fate
And diagnoses, from afar
Schiavo’s vegetative state

Coulter finds the blame to lie
With Schiavo’s husband’s alibi
She thinks he wants the money
And to live in someplace sunny

Hopefully soon Ann and Bill
Will hold the keys to all our fates
The GOP will then control
Who gets to see the pearly gates.

Delay Rides Back (on Schiavo)

2005-03-19T17:01:00.000-05:00

Grasping desperately for straws,
Tom Delay proposes laws
Intended to divert
Attention from his plight.

The plight that faces Tom is dire;
Grow the calls of ‘liar.’
To beat back this salvo
Tom employs Schiavo.

Schiavo hangs on by a thread
And might today be dead
Delay hurries, eager
Her case to beleaguer

I disapprove of death! States Tom
His principles are steel
His moribund morals
Restored to their laurels.

Schiavo meanwhile, catatonic
unrestorable now.
her moribundity
untouched by punditry.

Ode to Bill Frist, Whose Major Medical Strides involved Cats

2005-03-15T14:21:00.001-05:00

January 9, 2003|9:23 AM The Front Page 2003 THE NEW YORK OBSERVER, L.P.
Daschle, Beware: Young Dr. Frist Sliced Up Cats by Ron Rosenbaum

unveiled: tom delay, jailed

2005-03-13T21:38:00.000-05:00

the people's man, rep tom delay
has come afoul of a mess
that threatens all the careful plans
with which tom built his cozy nest

the troubles tom dismisses
have resisted all his tactics
clinging like the spot of Death
that spot that plagued Lady MacBeth

the niceties that Tom eschewed
when wielding his Hammer
will not now be pooh-poohed
and may land him in the slammer

recall how Tom avoided grace
when dealing with democrats
choosing instead to swing the mace
of republican arrogance

the moral heights from which he preached
were built of course on fraud and bribes
but tom's whale has at last been beached
by bigotry and diatribes

Gonzalez' ode to torture

2005-03-13T21:36:00.000-05:00

Geneva is an antique thing,
and cannot have a bearing
on the President's desire
to set Iraqi prisoners on fire

Aflame, I find the prisoner
quite burns to tell us of his crimes

Torture?! I abhor the word!
But let me note that terroristes
by nature absolve us of minor departures
From comportmente Humaniste!

If confirmed I swear to stop ---
When organ-failure's imminent.

perhaps applied in a limited way
to criminals domestically
as well as agents provacateur, and liberals more generally
we'll find that certain cajoling treatments
produce a well-mannered and conservative

Christian society

Propaganda

2005-02-11T10:44:00.000-05:00

this post from alternative hippopotamus
has inspired my next poem:

Old Valerie Plame
recall the name?
Scurrious Republicans
committed treason
for no real reason
but a blow to her hubby.
Now Rove sips the bubbly
chortling with glee.

many since have queried
who it was that leaked the name
Cheney and his buddy Libby?
certainly a probability.

Just recently the trail's grown hot!
this because they've found a bloke
with access to top secret docs
whose press credentials are a joke

The West Wing often fed him lies
which dutifully he'd publicize.
He sat at Press Briefings just as if
he were a real journalist
McClellan would call on him out of the crowd
so just easy questions would get asked out loud

a simple manipulation
of the ethical relation
between a people and its government
If the white house keeps on this troubling track
soon we'll be watching State TV
and State TV will be watching back

Ann Coulter thinks it would be a good thing...

2005-02-10T10:04:00.000-05:00

No More Mister Nice Blog

If democrats would all just die
in awful agonizing throes!
Their screams of pain and
Agony tickle me ever so! (Giggle)
If the military shot a few, or
opened a death camp or two;
I could stand where they get off the trains,
and thumbs up! or thumbs down! Blow out their brains!

(Sigh) i think at least Mr Delay
could pass a law so its okay
to lop their heads off with a sword
when someone questions Georgie's word!

it would be a good thing if (giggle)
we lived in a fascist theocracy!
I could be the princess of Death
bathing in the blood of heretics,
while dissenters were lined up and executed.
Maybe then I'd stop being persecuted
unfairly for my politics!

mr Rove is like a Mole

2005-02-09T09:03:00.000-05:00

Mr Rove, StarNosed Mole

Mr. Rove is a grub-eating mole
comfortably encased in dirt
Now the new Chief deputy
chuckles, nostrils flaring
at the scent of power.
Like tasty earthworms
Mr. Rove consumes
every bulb of decency
encountered, lest it flower.
Thus we see good men
on both sides of the aisle
take on hues of gray,
struggling with inner knowledge
bite their tongues and cower,
morals compromised,
fearful of the Mole.

Conservatus Hypocritus

2005-02-08T11:45:00.000-05:00

Despite their love for war
Conservatives are rarely seen
adorned in combat tan and green.

For instance, George and Dick adore
to talk tough when it comes to war
Yet both men found it appropos
To in their place let others go.

Rumsfeld, Tenet, Douglas Feith
Old Wolfowitz and Tom Delay
Have never made the sacrifice
They ask of soldiers every day.

But worse perhaps are pundits,
Like the strident Jonah Goldberg
who have the gall to say that why
they stay at home while others die
is that they have a family and job
What a goddamn dumb nabob.
As if America couldn't do without
his righteous blather
As though pompous windbags
were in short supply
and could not be risked to die.

Go Jonah; fight the war you say is just
We will miss you on CNN. If it happens
that you should meet
a bullet on some Baghdad street
At least you gave your life for the war
You've always said's worth dying for.

Cometh the GOP

2005-02-07T10:28:00.000-05:00

Where to begin? The President
makes fools of all of us!
Though lies like turtles surface
Not a one has left a dent.

We might point out that lost Iraq
has just become new Iran South
At cost of now a thousand troops
The War for Freedom fails and droops.

And then the new domestic cuts.
"We can't afford to help the poor"
Says Bush - mum on the cause of which,
was giving freely to the rich.

the greatest fools the media;
they pull about like docile cows
Or, in the way of Armstrong
and the ever-strident Gallagher
Exchange their moral scruples
for a pocketful of ruples.

And the plot against social security?
At last, a modest bit of media scrutiny!
the juggernaut of Values, faced with mutiny
has turned ever so slightly off its course.
I fear, however, we've not seen the worst.

The next four years will make old Orwell roll
As the Grand Old Party's vision takes its toll
On common folk the axe will rise and fall;
on Blacks and Gays and Poor folk falls the pall.

The environment will suffer as the Halliburtons
call in their chits. Then will fall the curtains
on the places we have known
On the country's broad free ranges we have thought of as our own
As the waters and the wildlife and forests cry and groan.

George Cheated

2005-02-05T19:18:00.000-05:00

What scathing news to learn on Lent!
The bulge we saw on Bush's back
was not intended to prevent
a presidential heart attack.

Instead as now revealed, the Times
had evidence of heinous crimes.
It was a cheating box you see;
with which Rove beamed to Bush the answers
for debates one, two, and three.

when on a topic George responded
chances were that he was cheating
absorbing with his small remote
the means to seem less of a dope.

And now it matters not! For he
did win the presidency.
A cheat is in the White House.
A fink is at the wheel.
A fraud is our Commander.
The election did he steal.

novak chapter nine

2005-01-29T21:44:00.000-05:00

bob novak here. you might recall
the column that i wrote last fall
in which i outed mrs plame
yet managed to evade the blame

now winter ices vengeful hearts
though Wilson gave me fits and starts
even he of erstwhile ire
did fail to land me in the fire.

now i turn to other games
while faded from the public view
conspiring with karl rove
to weave a web of schemes anew

i think the democrats need fixin
in the way of richard nixon
with vile claptrap i shall soon
arise again and like the loon
cry hoarsely in the darking gyre
and with my pen erect a pyre
and seal my calling as a liar

Ode to Torture, by Alberto Gonzalez

2005-01-08T13:49:00.000-05:00

The Poetry of Tom Delay -- Man of the people, especially when they pay for his face-lifts

2004-11-20T14:39:00.000-05:00

Some shock was felt when Tom excised

the excess flab around his eyes. In truth the flab

was drab and Tom

wished for a brow with more aplomb

A surgery of vanity from watching too much Hannity?

The one on Fox whose curly locks and steady gaze leave Tom a-daze

And in the night all pitter-patter, lumpy throat,

a-twitter with the joyous hope

That soon his peepers—sort of fishy—might begin to look more dishy

As for so long Tom’s been wishy

The trick Delay was soon to find

Was how to pay for eye-fat suction

For advice he rang up Sean—

Himself just done with butt reduction

Though muffled by the bandages

The voice of Hannity rang clear

And Tom Delay rejoiced to hear

The comfort of his badinages

“Of course now Tom, said Hannity

You realize these nips and tucks

These belly pinches, loose neck plucks

And flabby bottom vaccum sucks

Are not just free—they cost some bucks”

Says Tom, I think I get your thrust. And mused awhile, proud brow curled

Great Man in puckish thought enfurled.

I’ll tell you though it ain’t quite just…a gummint man is what I am

…and holder of the public trust.

For such a man as me this op should surely be for free!

A vital sight-impediment reduction – That’s my sentiment.

A simple tax deduction justified by liposuction!

Soon after in his post-op bed

Did Tom Delay and his new head

Recover from the surgeon’s knife

The TV on—Tom welled with pride

When seeing how in Iraq’s strife

our troops had died. He sighed, and whispered to the floor

Its them boys who I’m fighting for -- for them each day I go to war.

More Poetry Ripped cruelly from the Discourse of Scott McClellan and the White House Press Gaggle

2004-10-29T01:30:00.000-04:00

Press Gaggle – The Gaggle
from air force one, October 1, 2004

Is there any theme? Did you

learn anything? Did he

talk about the things -- Did he

say last night, about it,

that he felt annoyed,

exasperated,

disgusted?

I'm not asking what he

showed, I'm just asking, did he

tell you that he

felt annoyed while he

was up there? Did you

learn about him,

style or substance? Do you

think the take on who -- do you

think that will change, as we

go on?

Excerpts of Scott McClellan and the White House Gaggle October 28, 2004

2004-10-28T19:53:00.000-04:00

White House Gaggle October 28

Let me begin with the President's day

He placed some calls, spoke with

Reached out.

We continue to work to make good news

I know information

Has come.

Kerry, a reckless disregard for facts

Unsubstantiated

For gain.

Who can you trust on big priorities?

A President can't jump—

Can’t jump.

I think that we will meet him on the ground.
I think we will meet him
Today.

************************************************

poetry collected, out of context, from the thoughts expressed by Scott McClellan in the White House Gaggle, often on Air Force One

2004-10-27T15:17:00.000-04:00

White House Gaggle september ?

All right, all right, good afternoon

The President today

received

His usual intelligence

I know he's been riding the mountain bike.

Our thoughts and prayers remain impacted

By the hurricane,

Hurricane Jeanne

White House Gaggle with Scott McClellan

2004-10-27T01:43:00.000-04:00

Scott McCLELLAN On Air Force One

Okay, okay let’s see today

The President will focus, pocus

He will make remarks, remarks.

I'm coming to that,

I’m coming back.

We’ll overnight in St. Pete Beach.

the President will have a speech.

Let's see -- a speech, the Wilkes-Barre speech

Today's remarks will outline ways.

And he’ll talk about the five

Commitments, first is stay alive.

The President will talk about, he'll touch upon.

He'll draw some contrasts, undermined by Hollywood.

I'd look at it as differences.

There will be some speeches.

He spoke about how and that's what we need -- he'll talk again, in his

remarks.

al Qaeda, Hambali, for instance, Jemaah

Islamiya.

Khalid Shaykh Mohammed

Hey Ya

Window of time? From early on, when the war began,

up to the more

present times.

And he talked about his strategy, based on fighting the enemy

Transforming the Middle East is key

to defeating the ideology

Where were you the other day?

I said there are no more

week aheads. I said

there are announcements .

All Hallow's eve in the Blogosphere

2004-10-20T22:02:00.000-04:00

a nonsensical and seasonal ode to weblogs in the vein of carroll

All snoggy twas the blogosphere

Enfogged amid the twiggy babble

When I heard the sound I fear

A-clickety with claws ascrabble

Slipping through the groggy rabble

Avoid the wobby blog my dear!

The blog that creeps and creeping, leaps!

The sluggish vasty webbish seep

All gently bleeping as they near

Amongst the drabby ghoulish pool

Ahaunted in the gibbly orb-world

Gather weblets all a-wobbly

Nibblets newly formed and gobbly.

Nettish in a fevered blog-drool.

O dread the freebly wobby-blog!

That gnaws and chitter-chitter pats

Aclicky-clack with mousy pit-pats

Googly in the gleebish sphere

Atwitter in the ghastly slog.

My dear avoid the wobby blog!

And fear the creepy leaping net-bobs.

All a-goggle in the seeping,

Trembling amid the beeping

Chirruping and gently cheeping

Greedy for a webby feeding, ever needing; ever needing.

**************************************

death of the tv

2004-10-16T13:57:00.000-04:00

Death of Television

The Death of Televison is a consequence of malice;

recall the veiled derision

with which Bradys treated Alice.

No less the spite of failed lives that Springer found to televise.

Nor Dr. Phil’s hypocrisy pertaining to Hippocrates.

Or Crossfire's partisan hacks—a theatre of heart attacks.

The talking glitterati who believe they’re literati too: O’Reilly, Franken—both expound

in just the way of Ezra Pound

With all the strength of righteousness

that certainty invites in us.

These shows must not be analyzed as separately televised.

The quackery and thuggish hacks of Dr Phils and Bob Novaks

are synchronized.

The cumulative effect of Tucker is to shiver, quail and pucker

All the world over.

*********************************************************

Delay discomfited by brow blubber

2004-10-14T11:10:00.000-04:00

Tom Delay Cannot see the Forest for the Eye-fat

Some shock was felt when Tom excised

the excess flab around his eyes. In truth the flab

was drab and Tom

wished for a brow with more aplomb

A surgery of vanity from watching too much Hannity?

The one on Fox whose curly locks and steady gaze leave Tom a-daze

And in the night all pitter-patter, lumpy throat,

a-twitter with the joyous hope

That soon his peepers—sort of fishy—might begin to look more dishy

As for so long Tom’s been wishy

The trick Delay was soon to find

Was how to pay for eye-fat suction

For advice he rang up Sean—

Himself just done with butt reduction

Though muffled by the bandages

The voice of Hannity rang clear

And Tom Delay rejoiced to hear

The comfort of his badinages

“Of course now Tom, said Hannity

You realize these nips and tucks

These belly pinches, loose neck plucks

And flabby bottom vaccum sucks

Are not just free—they cost some bucks”

Says Tom, I think I get your thrust. And mused awhile, proud brow curled

Great Man in puckish thought enfurled.

I’ll tell you though it ain’t quite just…a gummint man is what I am

…and holder of the public trust.

For such a man as me this op should surely be for free!

A vital sight-impediment reduction – That’s my sentiment.

A simple tax deduction justified by liposuction!

Soon after in his post-op bed

Did Tom Delay and his new head

Recover from the surgeon’s knife

The TV on—Tom welled with pride

When seeing how in Iraq’s strife

our troops had died. He sighed, and whispered to the floor

Its them boys who I’m fighting for -- for them each day I go to war.

A Public Plea for Electoral fairness and Honesty to the Honorable Glenda Hood, Florida Sec’ty of State

2004-10-13T08:40:00.000-04:00

Oh me oh my oH Glenda Hood

Dear Glenda Hood, I write to ask if Florida, in Oughty-five

Will look back on another year of politics and voter fear

Of ballots lost, and voters tossed by vigilante Highway cops

Of less than scrupled agent men engaged in special voter ops

O if it should! O Sakes alive! I pall to think about the stink.

Our erstwhile president, Jimmy C has raised the issue publicly.

Jimmy's voiced a call to honest Americans one and all

To monitor your stormy state, where electoral mischief may await!

I know this comes non gratis, but Glenda do you grasp the grief

When folks of lesser status cannot cast their choice for Chief?

These days your office pulls out stops to jettison Black voters

With a rigor rivaling Castro’s skill at ousting Cuban boaters!

Dear Glenda, Jimmy says to keep our eyes on ballot boxes;

For in these modern times we see the slyest electoral foxes,

Surpassing simple sabotage involving voter debitage. The crux is:

Hackers now with code can push

“Ralph Nader” out, and put in “Bush”!

Now Glenda, sadly Jimmy notes Republicans enjoy your votes.

This preference for names like Jeb and Herb and Dwight,

Has spawned among some Democrats a sneeze-inducing fright

That you hold a bias rivaling that held by Harris!

She who once besmirched your post! Yet, other data troubles most:

A willingness to lose the ballots cast by certain voting classes,

Older folk, for instance, who must peer through inch-thick glasses;

Indeed, so many Hurricanes have pummeled Florida with rains—

These recent storms might fog the panes of spectacles and visual aids!

What’s worse are waves of legalese directed at minorities

Especially, it sadly seems, at those registered as “Democrat”

Which indicate you still wear “R” emblazoned on your party hat;

A beacon for approximately half of your electorate.

A close adherence to the rights of Rights is only one-half right!

For Florida’s own politicos have wrote the law, and so it goes:

“If any soul now fraudulates or commandeers and agitates

the voting in relation to the next inauguration, well,

We’ll charge ‘em of a felony, with prejudice, in third degree!

Dear Glenda, three short weeks away. And watching is the USA.

Yours,
Highhatter

An essay (condensed here) on the Throwing of Hos upon the tender Mercies of Fate by the Sinclair Corp., just so Rove can Spread more Feeble Lies

2004-10-12T01:22:00.000-04:00

A sad event for Sinclair Co. They caught their chiefest CEO

negotiating with a ho.

Now Sinclair seeks to stage a coup at the behest of W.

By fiddling with local air

Time prior to November Two.

Insidious nefarity! Another Faux News charity?

No, no, its ABC this time – but don’t forget the real crime

The Co. that brought us Dinosaurs is siphoning from precious funds

That hookers now rely upon—to help with Rove’s political wars!

A Week in the Life of Bob Novak, as written in His Diary by Himself, an Epic Saga told in Thirteen Parts

2004-10-10T21:54:00.000-04:00

Day 2: Second Debate ruminations: Confronting Megalomania

Breakfast: Waffles, cream, a cherry. Things are hairy now with Kerry.

As I munch I cogitate upon the late evening debate.

Don't tell a soul, dear diary, but truthfully we all can see the full extent of lunacy.

A madness measured out with bombs and Abu Ghraibs, not cups of tea

At the start george looked quite smart, and only really fell apart when queries

came in twos and threes like turbothrusted buzzy bees,

Diminishing his sense of ease and ruining the luster of his furi-ocious bluster.

Darn those pesky town-hall forums! Leadership's not built on quorums.

These folk were flustering W's filbustering. Erratic grew his posturing, and some imagined: pasturing.

Although quite small, our George stood tall with expectations low

Advering in a fevered fervor that Iraq led the attack

Upon the U.S. in September. Much like a gardner with his rake he sought to rake up yellowcake--that fake cake I once helped him bake.

George waded in, was getting warm, aided in debating form

By shocks administered remotely, aimed to spur the thoughts inchoately

Murmuring unfully-formed in spits and spurts

From probes emplaced below his shirts.

This simple pocket ticker helped our Georgie to deliver licks without too many facial tics.

The shape observed on George’s back was not a special ear device

Or other wiring implement for Rove-to-president advice. Instead the goal was,

just in spots, to trim and splice the jumbled thoughts

Which, moving South from brain to mouth might lose their way amid the draughts.

A simple D-Cell battery propelled the nicest smattering of Kerry anti-flattery.

A litany of Kerry faults were thus impelled with sturdy jolts. And who's to say
that politics are less electrical, today?

Its true, a time or too George lost his glue.

Made too much of timber, body parts all agitating,

Got all pokey, shoulder-jerky, slap me down and call me smirky

Hearkened back to Scott, Mein Gott!

How poorly can we use the dead,

To mangle what Dred Scott once said?

A Day in the Life of Bob Novak

2004-10-09T16:44:00.000-04:00

A Day in the Life of Bob Novak, as Written in His Diary by Himself,

A Saga Told In Thirteen Parts

Day the First; Friday, Morning of the Second Presidential Debate

Two a.m., bad Plame dream’s back.

Got up sweaty, had a snack.

A glass of bourbon helped to ease

My horrid fear of guilty pleas.

Five a.m., woke and jotted down

My goals today in terms of lies for CNN to televise

As well as fictions meant to twist

The truth in ways that would surprise

A seasoned Fox News journalist.

Six a.m., Rove’s on the phone.

Debate tonight, he wants the loan

Of my best secret microphone.

For God’s sake Karl get it right!

On W the wire goes

Somewhere it won’t show through his clothes.

Since Judith’s fall that’s Rove’s fourth call.

(I think he’s keeping tabs on me

in case I blab to NBC).

Nine a.m., I’m out the door and rockin’ to the soulful croonin’

Of my favorite Ashcroft tune. I’m almost late;

For coffee—my first date with Peggy Noonan.

Leggy Peggy digs the verse where Ashcroft’s mighty Eagle soars

Across the sky, so free and high; that’s cool but I just dig the chorus.

Ten o’clock, my nerves are freakin’, out on Pennsylvania walking

Damn its Wilson! Since this weekend, clever bastard won’t stop stalking

This time he’s got a goatee and a little French Beret

What I get for f_ _ _in' with the U.S. CIA.

Now I’m feeling ill at ease, take a tipple from my flask

Carrying the Bush campaign alone is such a thankless task.

WTF is Dr. Phil (on CBS) a Doctor, Still?

2004-10-07T13:38:00.000-04:00

WTF is Dr. Phil (on CBS) a Doctor, Still?

I think I know enough of Phil to say that

For the ruining

Of kids whose heads aren’t on quite straight

Phil does just great, and makes me ill.

A week ago on CBS the Doctor’s guest, a boy of nine

Had certain problems of behavior. Enter Dr. Phil, the savior

Not of kids, but CBS, whose ratings have begun to sag

And plummet since the final sonnet of the awful “Jag.”

Astutely Dr. Phil attended to the boy’s internal damage

Casting with his trenchant eye upon the lad, expression sad

And noted in his gentle way that for the boy a violent rampage

Inevitably waits; its just a question now of dates.

As clear as day the reason why, intoned Phil with a heartfelt sigh

Within this lad—inside his head, beneath the surface charmer—

There lurks the darker spirit of the killer known as Dahmer

Thank goodness Phil has got the moxy to expose this Dahmer proxy!

In terms of score its Phil with ONE

And Jeffrey Dahmer junior, NONE

The D.C. Post at least has said that Dr. Phil should have his head

Examined with a probe of sorts, that goes in deep and really hurts.

They say that Phil and CBS could not have helped their young guest less.

And argue that great shame must rest on Dr. Phil and Les Moonves.

On TV, I submit that Phil looks less than well and may be ill.

His flappy lips, his shiny pate, his every tic and jerk suggest

That inner trouble agitates, and medication would be best.

Perhaps some leeches like they used to use in Ancient Rome

Could be affixed to suck upon the Doctor’s balding dome

For leeches, such a massive pate would surely be a roomy home.

A theory recently put forth by agents from the FBI

Suggests a darker reason for the Doctor’s “crazy eye”

Apparently his egotistic manner--call it “windy”

For pomposity of bluster’s only matched by Teddy Bundy

If it was me, its Phil I’d worry Felt like eating me with curry.

Dr. Phil by Jove Must be the Evil Twin of Rove

2004-10-07T13:20:00.000-04:00

Every once in a while it is important to take some time off from bashing Karl Rove and focus on his evil twin, Doctor Phil. Hence the preceding post.

Karl Rove as Friend to Large Mammals

2004-10-04T14:18:00.000-04:00

Karl Rove, Pet Owner

It’s long been known by many vets that humans look just like their pets.

Consider Rove, the button man who caps chaps for Republicans.
Rove plods along unswervingly and strikes low blows unnervingly. This M.O. gives us several clues on just what kind of pet he’d choose.

If Rove possessed a snake, perhaps he’d call his pet snake Jake.
And feed him little mice—as many mice as would suffice
To slake the snake; then they’d repair to Karl’s cozy TV lair

And watch the president’s debate—a moderator whom they hate—
There they’d sit a spell together, cursing Lehrer to hell forever.

Sometimes when Karl in his fervor gesticulates too feverishly
Jake slithers off and molts alone, sometimes very peevishly.

But let’s not be too hard on snakes, who must rely on Nature’s breaks.
Instead of well-developed senses Karl has Fox News; and hence is

Well-informed on all the schemes of which his feeble rival dreams.
It could be said that Rove enjoys a lot of help in all his ploys.

Indeed as others much more trenchant have observed,
Rove has a penchant for an inexorable pace. He plods along with pallid face
And never rushes in the chase. So stolid in demeanor—snake-like, but much more meaner.

While his opponents meet their limit with a satisfying thud,
Rove simply chews his cud with care and chooses mud to sling with flair
Perhaps this staid serenity derivates from bovininity.

More merciless than Ming, with whispers gauged to scar and cling
Rove takes his cues and makes his calls amid the moos of cattle stalls.

Open Poem of Gentle Rebuke to john Ashcroft

2004-10-02T14:24:00.000-04:00

October 3, 2004--Highhatter

Open Poem of Gentle Rebuke to john Ashcroft

Dear John, we’ve learned a painful fact. Your infamous Patriot Act

Has failed to facilitate or otherwise improve our rate of catching terrorists, to date.

The news on CBS suggests that few of those whom you arrest

Are genuine Al Qaeda men; and worse, they never go to trial;

Rather, languish for awhile down Gitmo way in hidden cells

Where folksy types like Lynndie E. administer shock therapy.

I know, I know, that’s Abu G., but Major General Geoffrey

(That’s Miller) led both posts, and taught them all to catch a killer—

An easy task—a dog, some hoods, a skillful captor griller—

Like Frederick, the SSG who found his inner harmony coercing sexuality.

Dear Freddy, from Iraq he’s back and ready to employ his skills;

His scheduled mission’s intel, but his posting now is in hell.

At any rate I deviate. The powers that such Acts approve

—To wire-tap and infiltrate—seem not to notably improve
Our capture rate, at least of late.

Remember Edgar Hoover—He adored interrogation! How he beamed with adulation

As McCarthy’s best informers filled his drawers with Cold War rumors!

Accruing secret facts appeased

His hate of Blacks and Kennedys.

Ah me. So worrisome—not one year, three—and still Osama B. is free,

Smoking fine Afghan poppy, hoping for a bumper crop he

Needs to buy a bomb and blow us all to Kingdom Come.

Its hard I know to cogitate on where the terrorists might wait.

Yet since one tried to bomb us with explosives in his Converse,

They’ve seemed to all just dissipate.

Not one has justified the tricks of Lynndie E. and Fredericks.

Many now have come to wonder if a massive legal blunder

Has been made post ipso facto with your Patriotic Acto.

Perhaps you’ll capture one or two, so that we can remember

What you looked like, when you’re out of here the Second of November.

2004-10-01T15:45:00.000-04:00

Gladhanders

In the Sixties, a poetic rebuke of the Swift Boat attack ads

2004-10-01T14:47:00.000-04:00

In the Sixties

In the Sixties, certain classes skipped the war and flew in Texas.

Air Guard planes were highly sought—luckily, they could be bought.

Soon famous names from privileged sets were spared the war and offered jets.

Dozens of the oil elite who had cold feet were found a seat!

Thus in the Guard a spot was got for George, despite a lengthy line

A product of the family forge, George took the spot, and served his time

He says in Alabama’s where; (one problem: no-one knew him there).

Its sure that if John Kerry’d asked, he’d probably’ve got a pass.

His options at the time were varied: certainly he could have married

Or have stated, as did Chaney, “Ach, the jungle’s much too rainy.

My priorities are other. Instead of me, please take another.”

Instead he went, and saved a life, although as Brooks now claims,

The life he saved was clearly staged for his political aims.

The Right now fumes! Thick smoky plumes emit from Coulters, Roves and Humes

And Novak! How he huffs and puffs, with anger that will not abate! It seems of late

That Novak’s prate lacks anything apart from hate; and so he lays his victims low

And leaves them in the wind to blow, or simply leaks their secret name

(His latest victim Wilson’s wife, whom we all know as Valerie Plame)

The central question hovers still; Why stewing mad is Crystal (Bill)?

And why is Brit in such a snit? Why throws Gigot a prissy fit?

Why blusters Hannity at length on matters that are not his strength?

And writes long books which seem to call for topping liberals one and all?

Ben Ferguson, a pimply brash, with sharpened tongue does Kerry lash;

“The purple heart could not be fair; for where is Kerry’s wheelchair?”

Where does this venom come from, and the sneaky way with slanders?

(By Jove, just think if Karl Rove’d use his wits to help, like Landers)

Here's my guess of why they cry, why Bill O'Reilly's eyes get styes;

Their heros, in a moral perve, call loud for war but never serve.

What nerve? Demanding newer wars with fierce and fiery metaphors!

Cool veterans of a fight that rages here and there on public stages.

It seems that many don’t quite care, but still the truth cuts quick,

For those who’ve always been the ones with medals three rows thick.

And so we see Bob Dole applying classic Rovian tricks.

(For Bob its simply politics; nothing more than stones and sticks).

“We’re pals,” he says, “Except, you know, I bled much more at Anzio.”

A funny thing; it seems that those who dared to go in Sixty-nine

Are cautious in approaching strife, and doubly of the loss of life;

While those who chose to stay talk loud, of sarin gas and mushroom cloud

Demanding war, a fast attack - we don’t know who – lets hit Iraq.

“Mission Accomplished?” - A Satirical and mostly nonsensical Poem in Response to GW's recent ludicrous claims

2004-09-30T13:18:00.000-04:00

“Fishin for Monkfish”

September 30, 2004

Highhatter

On Fox last week the President made something of a verbal gaffe

A slip of tongue, a mental leak, an off-the-cuff riff-raff rebuff

In the attempt to brush back claims he’d failed in his Iraq aims.

His targets were the Democrats, who’ve said his ship is leaking rats.

A war, you say? The Middle East? The Persian Gulf? Le Terroriste?

According to the GOP, the war was won in Oughty-Three. A day when on the deck stood G.,

And said to all the troops, “we’re free”! – then sent them to the Persian Sea.

That spectacle aboard the Lincoln was, to George’s way of thinking

Quite the finest fun he’d had

Since Jimmy Baker showed us how a hanging chad was bogus.

Surrounded by our bravest troops upon one of our finest sloops,

There was a famous banner hung, and o’er George the banner swung

In such a splendid manner! Written on it – “Combat’s over!”

“Iraq loves us on their soil and they’re going to give us oil!”

So blithely (more or less) he said, but now 800 more are dead.

At issue is the wisdom of the words “mission accomplished.”

It happened on O’Reilly’s show—Bill works for Fox as jock of shocks—

If George could do it all once more, Bill asked, would he declare the war

As over? Fini? In the books? (I’d love to see the blotchy looks that Rove

Expressed, when George said “Yes”)

Today the spin from Rove et al. has got Bush off with but a bruise.

A straight-up dead-pan bald-faced “no” is always Rove’s first choice of ruse:

“Why, if we go back to that day, you’ll see our Prez did NEVER say

Those silly things you think he did! His topic has been misconstrued

By Democrats—they’re quite confused and for their lies should be abused.

The word you thought you heard as “mission” actually was “let’s go fishin’!”

You see, our W.’s an angler, not a dead-wrong banner dangler!

The prez pursues a simple wish: to dine upon a different dish

Of fish each night. He loves them so!—he’ll watch them swimming to and fro

For hours sometimes—see them go! Especially likes a good gumbo.

Now as you know George holds within a deep abhorrence for a sin.

His greatest joy is when he sees the hand of God (except for trees) in nature.

Of course, one fish above the rest has by the Lord been justly blessed!

The MONKFISH is a sacred creature, the godliest our oceans feature!

So obviously named for those most holy servants famed! Every angler

Worth his sea-trunk’s heard about the famous sea-Monk!

It really all makes perfect sense—if you can’t grasp it you are dense.

The words “Mission Accomplished” were in fact “fishin for Monkfish.”

As mused aloud by George that day, where there in monkish thought he stood,

Upon a massive Navy boat, the biggest boat there is afloat!

To George the Lincoln surely seemed the angling platform of a dream.

2004-09-30T13:07:00.000-04:00

C. K. Brain suggests to us that Raymond Dart's "fierce australopithecines" were rather the prey of leopards or Smilodon Fatalis

2004-09-30T13:04:00.000-04:00

The Godly Monk-fish